The Giraffe Method of Stress Release ...

There are pressured times on Planet Earth, and I know that many of my human friends are feeling stressed.

I thought therefore that I would tell you about our gentle giraffe method of stress release ...

We giraffes love to eat fruit, and one of our favourites is raspberries. There is an area of land behind the shops along Neckelchester Front Street used for fruit and vegetable cultivation. Here you will find our lovely all-year-round raspberry patches.

Imagine a warm June evening. As the sun sets, the full moon rises in a pink sky, haloing the edges of the raspberry stems and leaves with light. The atmosphere is tranquil as the residents of the village move quietly among the plants.

Come and join us, dear bloggy friends. Don't let your stress build up ...

Join us in our peaceful method of stress release ... blow a gentle giraffe raspberry!

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AWARD! A warm thank you to Mad Aunt Bernard for giving me the Zombie Chicken Award for silliness. I take my silliness very seriously, and really appreciate this. Do visit her splendid blog, where you can see the award, (I can't seem to load awards up on my computer), and read her tortoise poetry and other wonderful posts. (You know, I think she is rather neccentric too!)

'G' is for Gleeful!

Several days ago, Willow gave me the letter 'G' to post about! We have been busy planning some of our Giraffe World Tours outings for the spring, which has been great fun, but time consuming. At last I am able to wax lyrical about my favourite letter of the alphabet! (How did Willow guess?)

Well, first of all 'G' stands for Gleeful. What a wonderful word in sound and in meaning ... For giraffes it perfectly describes our preferred state of mind, and can be acted out by jumping up and down shouting 'Wheeeeee!'


Next on my list is 'Greedy'. I know this can have negative connotations, but we use it in the same way as humans would say 'eager', or 'appreciative'. In Neckelchester village, 'Gleeful + Greedy = Restaurant!' Which brings me to word number three: Girth. Proud proprietor of the afore-mentioned eating establishment. Broad in build and broad in grin. Of course! Grin - another lovely g-word!

Here we have one of Girth's creations. A gorgeous gateau, which could also be a girthday cake! Feeling greedy anyone?

Talking of gorgeous ...



My glamorous sister Nektareeni! Adored by her partner Girth, she jointly runs the Gleeful & Greedy Restaurant with him, as well as her own fashion boutique.

More beauty below,



Giraffodils! Their gracefully nodding blooms always gladden our hearts in the spring. (There are so many happy g-words, aren't there?)

Exploring the coutryside while planning our Tours today, we noticed shy little shoots of pale spring green popping out here and there. One of my very favourite colours! Green seems to mean the same to you Earthlings as it does to Camelopardalians - a concern for our environment. All things are inter-conneckted: I remember Barbara Martin commenting somewhere about the constellations being metaphysically linked in a grid.
Have you noticed how onomatopoeic so many g-words are? Writing the word 'grid' made me think of gurgle and glug! And that fabulous word gargle!

We giraffes just love to gargle! At Neckelchester Dental Practice we have clean-your-tongue-to-music sessions, and we always like to end with our Giraffe Gargling Song. I must put it in the side bar for you all to listen to, one day!

Have you ever tried saying, 'How much oil could a gargoyle gargle, if a gargoyle could gargle oil?' Try it now!
My next word is giggle - which is probably what you are all doing now if you attempted the tongue-twister ...
And so we come to my penultimate g-word, which is simply 'G'! My middle name ... Raph G. Neckmann. And Raph G. turned around is G. Raph ...


Let me hear you all shout it: Giraffe!

Dear bloggy friends! I hope you all enjoyed our little etymological frolic ... Many thanks to Willow for my favourite letter.

Cygnus Camelopardalis

Neckelchester School and Raffsburgh College were closed again today because of the snow, so the whole family were at home. Rising very early this morning, I looked out of the window of Necky Knoll House. The light outside looked luminescent and mysterious.

"A walk in the snow," said Maureen. Her eyes shone as she turned towards me. "To the Gardens!"

We tramped across fields, through the shadowy Forest and beyond. All the while the light grew stronger and the shimmering mist dispersed.

"I want to see the Swans!" whispered Littl' Nicky, looking up at the sky.

Our swans, Cygnus camelopardalis, are unusual birds. Large and graceful, their flight across the winter sky is awe inspiring. Like mythical creatures from distant constellations, silent and majestic, their huge wings move slowly as they head for their secret nesting grounds.

However, they have a mischievous streak.

Much bigger than Littl' Nicky, strong yet friendly, the birds have a penchant for heavy metal objects, which they pilfer prodigiously. Only last week we caught one making off with Necky Becky's new sledge! As she rushed out of the house it flew off, making loud tooting noises.

But in the Gardens, Cygnus camelopardalis appear silent, serene and a little numinous.

As we came out from the trees by the lake, the rushes parted and a swan glided into view. Graceful, elegant, yet with a quizzical almost cheeky look on its face. Noiselessly it passed us and grew smaller and smaller as it made its way across the water.

We sighed and continued on our walk in a kind of rapturous silence.

Yet ... strange though it may seem, I'm sure that as it passed by, Cygnus camelopardalis winked at us!

Giraffe Grooming - the only drawback of having Lots of Neck!

Since leaving accountancy, I can say with gratitude and gladness that I enjoy just about everything I do.

However, there has been one thing ... one irritating, time-consuming interminable activity which I have to grumblingly go through each-and-every day ... washing my mane!

I don't mind having a shower, brushing my teeth or gargling, but - oh the tediousness of mane washing!

Do any of you dear readers feel like this?

First it is the shampooing - TWICE - then the repetetive rinsing, which always goes in my ears. Finally the ultimate unending ritual of the drying.

When you have a neck as long as mine - what more need I say!

On the other side of the neck, our eldest daughter Nexi seems to find enlightenment and bliss staring into a misty mirror, manedrier in hand. She not only dries her mane, she styles it!

Necky Becky is grumpy about her own grooming, (apart from dying her fur pink), yet surprisingly helpful with her baby brother. Littl' Nicky in turn very conscientiously brushes his toy giraffe Goo-Goo.

It's funny, isn't it, how an uninteresting topic like mane-washing can turn philosophical. Take the whole concept of beauty, for instance. Is beauty in the eye of the beholder, the eye of the beheld, or the mind of both?

My glamorous sister, Nektareeni, obviously spends a lot of time (and money) on her looks. I think she looks fine. Her partner Girth worships her as giraffe goddess!

But for me, no one can compare with my Maureen. Her natural inner glow, her sweet spirit shining through her eyes, and that wonderful enigmatic smile ...

For Maureen, I wash my mane!

How do we know we are real?

I have been over the moon since receiving the Premio Dardos Award. However, one small thing had been bothering me. Barbara Martin, when nominating me, wrote in her blog, 'Raph Neckmann has imagined a wonderful world of giraffes ...'

Imagined! My home, our village, Knollshire - my family?! Are they really here? Do I actually exist? What is reality ... ?

I called out to Maureen to help me out of this quasi-existentialist quagmire.

"Of course we are here, dear," she said, "We've just had tea!"

I am reassured - no doubts now.

Our eldest daughter Nexi added, "We don't live in an imaginary world, Dad, but you do most of the time!"

Necky Becky offered to kick me in the shins to prove my reality.

Normality restored to our household, I spent a pleasant evening and retired to bed with a quiet mind.

However, I woke much later in the night aghast. I'd had a dream where all my beloved blogger friends, the humans I've been interacting with in the blogosphere, turned out to be fellow-giraffes! Giraffes, not humans! Have I been hoodwinked?

The thought unsettled me so much, I had to get out of bed. Tiptoeing downstairs, I went out to the garden to look through my new telescope. I turned it towards the galaxy where lies planet Earth. Slowly a great sense of calm fell over me. So very, very far away from our own Camelopardalis constellation, yet I can talk with them ...

The sense of the unfathomable was so strong it brought peace. All was still in the garden and the air smelled good.

Our Family Favourites

Necky Becky has insisted that I include a post about our favourite presents this year! Who am I to argue ...

First of all, she would have everyone know that her 'bestest pressie' was the pencil case printed with the image of a wild giraffe sticking it's tongue out. A pose which she now proudly emulates whenever she can!

Next in her order of importance is, of course, her beloved Neckshund dog Hals. He received a football, which we have all fallen over several times in the last week.

Nexi couldn't decide which of her presents was her favourite - she loves them all. She received lots of nailvarnish and other strong-smelling items with which to paint herself, her room, everyone else's room, and anything else she can get her hands on.

Toddler Littl' Nicky also follows the artistic line and has been enjoying his new paints and easel. His painting below is a portrait of me.

Which leaves Maureen and I! We had many beautiful gifts. Maureen received a bottle of her favourite honey drink, I have a subscription to the Raffsburgh Astronomical Society, and we both have stacks of new books to read.

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Best of all is our special Intergalactic Viewing Box. Fitted to our TV, it receives many extra Planet Earth channels, enabling us to see some of the wonderful films and music performances recommended by our dear new bloggy friends!

Posting instead of posting ...

The last couple of days have been so busy, I haven't had time to post until now! Maureen and I have been writing all our cards to make sure we get them sent off on time.


Our toddler son Littl' Nicky accompanied us to the village very early this morning. It was rather foggy, but we had no trouble spotting the post-box!


As we made our way home, the mist dispersed, and the winter sun shone majestically from behind the clouds. We walked the rest of the way in a silent yet exuberant reverie. We love our world.

Aptenodytes Giraffa

I haven't told you about our Giraffe World Tours outing on Sunday, have I?

We had decided, by popular demand, to have a mid-winter trip to see the penguin colonies. After picking up our tourists at the village green, we headed seaward and along the coast to the mountains. There is a route through the peaks via Narrowneck Pass which is kept clear of snow by the mountain dwellers, and there was just room for our bus.

Once over the other side, we gasped at the immense and awe-inspiring landscape which stretched before us. Folds and hollows, peaks and crevasses of snow and ice in spectral colours of astounding beauty.

I parked the bus at the bottom of a gentle slope so we could all stretch our legs. Looking back, Necky Becky and her neckshund Hals were the only moving forms in this silent scene.

It was too cold to walk very far, so we settled back into our snug seats on the bus to continue on our quest for penguins. The rare long-necked penguin, (Aptenodytes giraffa), can only be found in this region and it is a fortunate visitor who gets a glimpse of these affable creatures.

Our luck was in!

There at the edge of the snow-field a small group of the penguins came waddling past. As we slowed down, they turned their heads from side to side and looked almost as if they were nodding a giraffe greeting!

We did not stop, for fear of disturbing them. I felt quite moved, and pondered on the inter-connectedness of everything as I drove our bus homeward. I wonder if there are penguins on other planets?

The Glorious Giraffeness of Everything!

I'm not getting different glasses!

After a week of my daughter Nexi neckling at me to get some 'cool' frames, and arguing about which of the photos she'd taken of me was best, I was feeling a little nexasperated.

I turned to Maureen.

"What should I do?" I sighed.

"Nothing!" replied Maureen. "You are who you are. All the years I've known you, you've looked like Raph G. Neckmann. Don't change!"

Oh, the joy of being true to one's self and the glorious giraffeness of everything!

Yesterday one of my pans of chutney boiled over. (I admit, I was distracted by blogging, and when I was about to clear up the mess, I got dragged away to practise our song for tomorrow). What a wonderful surprise I had today, to discover the spillage on the AFF Gas cooker had set into the most beautiful giraffe-pattern!

I feel at one with the universe!