Thursday, 26 March 2009

Not in my briefcase!

My friend Eleanor of Thatchwick Cottage set me the task some time ago of talking about Five items that aren't in my briefcase but ought to be there!

I do apologize for taking so long to post: firstly, we have been nextra busy with our spring entrepreneurial exploits, and secondly, most days I can't even find my briefcase!

So, I have at last caught up with myself, my time and my briefcase. However, as you will see - it is lacking in some very important contents ...

Number 1: A phone! Yes, I know ... I am very old fashioned, but I really am not a mobile phone person. Give me the stylish old proper telephones any time! But they are a little bulky to cram into my case!

Number 2: What do you notice about the smart business-giraffe in the above picture? He is carrying an umbrella! He must have a much better memory than I do, because I nearly always forget my umbrellas in cafes and shops. Therefore I really ought to have a small telescopic umbrella to keep in my briefcase.

Number 3: The focus of business is allegedly supposed to be money. Money is not my focus. Maybe this is why I usually forget to carry any with me.

Number 4: A newspaper. When I buy my Neckelchester News, I immediately scour it from end to end, preferably sitting on a sunny bench. My head full of thoughts and ideas which arise from my reading, I absent-mindedly leave the paper on the bench. I suppose it's better than carrying the paper away and forgetting my briefcase!

Number 5: The final item I ought to carry in my briefcase but do not, is a nice brew of hot tea and some food!
"Ah!" I hear you saying, "He forgets his lunch too!"
Blushingly, I have to confess, dear bloggy friends, I certainly never ever forget food. I remember it far too early in the day ... and eat it all! My lunch is devoured well before time for elevenses - my briefcase is lighter and I am not!

Over to you! I leave the picking up of this meme to my readers - if you would like to talk about five things that are not in your briefcase or handbag, but ought to be, I would be very glad to read your post!
Thank you Eleanor for setting me this task!
For everyone: Here's a question ... you now know five things I haven't got in my briefcase. Please tell me what you think I do have in my briefcase!


jeannette stgermain said...

Hi Raph,
You asked your readers for a post (on my blog) about 5 things that are NOT in my briefcase but should be in there. So, you are welcome to view them! Have fun!

Jeane said...

Hi Raph! what a fun post! what do I think you do have in your briefcase? hmmmmmmm - I would say a laptop!

Raph G. Neckmann said...

That was quick, Jeannette!

Raph G. Neckmann said...

Jeane - glad you enjoyed the post! A laptop? Not in my briefcase ...

Madame DeFarge said...

This perfect briefcase is becoming a small luggage train if you were to include all these items.

I'm not familiar with the likely contents of a giraffe briefcase, but maybe a necktie for business meetings or a necklace for Mrs Raph. Undoubtedly all very stylish and swish

Raph G. Neckmann said...

Yes, Madame DeFarge - I always carry a couple of spare ties in my briefcase. (Useful if I spill my lunch down the one I'm wearing!)

A necklace for Maureen? Occasionally, though she prefers scarves - it's my sister Nektareeni who likes beads.

Gaston Studio said...

Great post and pics!

I think you have in your briefcase: a sketch pad and pencils; a candy bar; a digital camera; a few colored pens; and a digital recorder.

Raph G. Neckmann said...

Well, Gaston Studio I'm amazed! My briefcase must be transparent! I've got all those except the digital recorder. (Is candy bar chocolate?)

Rosemary said...

Hi Ralph,
Great post as usual, always brings a smile!All my choices for your briefcase has been picked, in particular, camera, sketch pad and pen.
Things I "should" have in my purse; fresh Kleenex not USED , for runny noses, Tide to go pen, always spill something on a white top,a winning lottery ticket, I should be so lucky,Canadian Tire money, never have it when needed(Canadian readers will understand), and batteries for my camera, always goes dead when I see a perfect shot...

The Weaver of Grass said...

You are back - hurrah - have missed you.
One thing you certainly do not need in your brief case Raph is an extending ladder.
It is comforting to know you leave umbrellas in various placed - do you leave gloves too - that is the other thing I always leave behind.
I like the idea of thinking of five things that should be in my brief case - the trouble is that I don't have a brief case!

Raph G. Neckmann said...

Thank you Rosemary!

Your contents sound interesting - I have not heard of Tide to go - I'm guessing from what you say that it is a stain remover? Sounds useful! And Canadian Tire money: my guess is this is for a good strong cup of tea at a motorway cafe to wake up after a long tiring day??

I do carry round a battery charger for my camera if I'm out on a particularly scenic journey!

Raph G. Neckmann said...

Thank you Weaver, it's nice to be missed! I'd like to post more, as usual, but there's been a nextraordinary amount of work to be done here!

I laughed to read about the ladder!

Yes, I do leave gloves around - Nexi made me a string which attaches to my gloves and goes up my sleeves, like small children have. However the family giggled so much when I used it, I decided to wear the single un-lost gloves as unmatching pairs instead.

Pamela Terry and Edward said...

Hmmmm. What would be in your briefcase? Perhaps...a couple of fetching ossicone covers for colder days. Maybe a copy of Zarafa, by Michael Allin. And....a small snack of damp acacia leaves.

Raph G. Neckmann said...

I like the idea of the ossicone covers, Pamela! I wonder what style would suit me ... pinstriped, or maybe a contrasting geometric design.

My copy of Zarafa is in our bookcase - but I do have two books in my briefcase. I wonder if anyone will guess what they are?

Ah - acacia leaves! Very healthy and slimming. But my briefcase is more frequently the home to chocolate bars!

Gaston Studio said...

A candy bar is definitely chocolate in my book. Thanks for dropping by my blog today.

P.S. I thought you might have a digital recorder to taking notes.

Raph G. Neckmann said...

I could do with a digital recorder, Gaston Studio, for when I write songs while on the hoof!

willow said...

Neckelchester News! Now that made me laugh out loud!! :D

Heather said...

You were obviously one of those children who, on a school trip, had eaten his packed lunch before the coach reached the end of the road!! Now, what do I think might be in your briefcase? A camera, a few business papers, sketchbook and pens, calculator and maybe a laptop? If there is anything else which should be in my handbag it's too bad, as I recently started using a much smaller one and only the bare essentials fit in it.

Raph G. Neckmann said...

I'll have to do a special blog post on the Neckelchester News, Willow!

Raph G. Neckmann said...

Heather, I'd usually eaten my lunch before I even got on the coach! (Especially if it was peanut butter and cucumber sandwiches!)

You are right about most of the items in my briefcase. (I often use the business papers as a sketch book too ...) No laptop in there, and my calculator usually gets 'borrowed' by one or other of my daughters if they have lost theirs!

Barbara Martin said...

Would one of the books be "What Would Emma Do?" ? A second choice might be a book on gardening or sketching.

I love your posts, Raph. They set my world right after a topsy-turvey day.

Poetikat said...

I don't have a phone either, Raph. They are too expensive and a waste of time (at least for me). I'm always leaving things behind as well. I often write out grocery lists, for example and then get to the store and find I've left them sitting on the counter at home.

I think you need a scarf for chilly days, a notepad and pen to write down ideas for your blog posts and keys to your house!


Raph G. Neckmann said...

Yes, Barbara! 'What Would Emma Do?' is book number one - my prize from your draw, ready for me to read!

My second book is 'The Wind in the Willows'. At this time of year I like especially to read the beginning, where Mole escapes from spring-cleaning and exults in the Spring.

I'm glad and honoured that my posts set your world right.

Raph G. Neckmann said...

Poetikat, I'm so glad someone else writes lists and then leaves them at home!

I do have notepad and pen - and a scarf too! However, yesterday I forgot my scarf. It was a terrifically windy day, so I had to use my woolly jumper instead ... (I also hang my house keys round my neck so that I don't lose them!)

Cloudia said...

You have a case full of whimsey, talent and kindness!!

I love visiting your delightful world, mr. NECKman. aloha

Raph G. Neckmann said...

Thank you so much, Cloudia, that is definitely one of my aspirations!

I would imagine whimsey, talent and kindness in one's briefcase make it lighter rather than heavier, and put a spring in the step!

Derrick said...

Hi Raph,

Your briefcase sounds to have a few things in it already! I imagine that you might keep a photograph of Maureen and the children close to hand and maybe something whimsical, like a yo-yo, to brighten a dull moment?!!

Sepiru Chris said...

Dear Raph,

Five things in your briefcase.

At first it seems like a tremendous conumdrum to be guessed.

But then we must recall that your initial training was as an accountant, so while reasoned estimation might be permissible, wild guesses would not be likely the solution to an answer that you must give us.

So we have to delve deeper...

Well, first I have to recall that you are on Camelopardalis and therefore items might have different meanings.

After all you have no email, apparently, so let me go to first principles...

By going to first principles and looking at the underlying meanings, I am assuming that the first item is readily defined.



Normally unmentionables and yet you so carefully label your case as a brief case.

On earth we say it is always wise to have a clean pair on.

Why not have an extra pair in the case, just in case.

Excellent planning, Raph.

Four to go.

And that gives it away, does it not?

So clever, Raph.

If you have a bag devoted to briefs, it is only reasonable that you would have spare socks, too.

And, of course, being a four legged even-toed ungulate ruminant (and definitely a ruminator) you need to have four socks to cover those even toes on each foot.

Which, of course, is why there were four to go, once we recognized that the first item, like the purloined letter, was visible... the briefs in the briefcase.

So, when you commented on the fact that your case must be transparent, you must have been gently chuckling as the first of the five, the pair of briefs, was in plain sight of all of us.

How very clever, Raph.

How just like you.


Raph G. Neckmann said...

A yo-yo, Derrick! What a brilliant idea! I shall go and find one next week ... I wonder what colour or pattern I should get?

(I do have a picture of my lovely family, but not in my briefcase; it is in the inside pocket of my suit jacket, next to my heart!)

Raph G. Neckmann said...

Sepiru Chris - you attribute more cleverness to me than is due! I am flattered, but have to point out that the term 'briefcase' was set in the meme itself, not by me! So there is no 'double-entendre', (I hope that is the correct spelling).

Here in Camelopardalis a briefcase is used mainly to carry business-related items, as on planet Earth. Although I carry some outer wear such as gloves, a scarf and a spare tie in my briefcase, any other clothing, (including suits), is in my suitcase!

Strange though it may seem, we Camelopardalian giraffes do not all have four legs! There are two distinct species, the two-legged, and the wild four-legged giraffes. (One day I must post the story of the beginning of our world - The Day of the Giraffe Sky). I digress ...

So, I do not have any of those items in my briefcase - but you have given me much mirth in the reading of your comment, and I shall indeed be gently chuckling for the rest of the day.

How just like you, Sepiru Chris!

Sepiru Chris said...

Dear Raph,

And here I had been quietly mulling over where the two residual legs were to be found as clearly you never wore socks on your hands.

(And why would you? They would be less comfortable than mittens.)

Exobiology is apparently not my forte.


PS I continue to ascribe continuous cleverness to you and everyone at Necky Knoll House.

Raph G. Neckmann said...

Sepiru Chris - we do have giraffe centipedes here on Camelopardalis. They must wear lots of socks, but I don't think they have briefcases to carry them in.

PS Necky Becky says she is the cleverest of us all at Necky Knoll House.

A Cuban In London said...

My dear long-necked friend, I thoroughly enjoyed this post. Especially the fact that yuo cram a pot, a cup of tea (I presume it's still hot!) and an old-fashioned telephone into your little briefcase. A most interesting and entertaining post. Many thanks.

Greetings from London.

Sandy said...

Gosh these illustrations are great and I LOVE that phone!..haha. You must remember to carry your phone. These are all great.

I lost a whole blogroll and this was on it! I'm rebuilding it now.

Raph G. Neckmann said...

Thank you Cuban in London! I'm sitting in the spring sunshine drinking a lovely hot cup of tea right now!

Raph G. Neckmann said...

Thank you Sandy! I love my phone too, though it is a little heavy to carry round.

Sorry to hear you lost your blogroll. These things take quite a time to re-load!

debra said...

This is my first time here, and now I am wondering about briefcases, satchels and the like. I do see lots of people I know. Seems like an interesting place to be.

Raph G. Neckmann said...

Hello Debra and thank you for visiting!

I've just been over to your very interesting blog and tried to leave a comment, (which wouldn't go through the system). I thought your tribute was very touching.

You are always welcome here.

Tom Atkins said...

I hope what you have in your briefcase are more writings, so we can continue to enjoy them!

Raph G. Neckmann said...

Thank you Tom - you've made my day!

I have notebooks and bits of paper where I scribble my notes before typing them onto Blogger. And sketches!

Mad Bush Farm Crew said...

Not in my briefcase? My brain,my sketch pad,my cell phone, a plant or two and of course my farm. I'd need a rather large brief case to fit my farm in ..any ideas? I think you might have a spotty giraffe blanket hidden in your briefcase..

Raph G. Neckmann said...

I've got my spotty giraffe blanket round my shoulders at the moment, Liz! It's a rather chilly evening.

How could you get your farm in your briefcase? Hmmm - you could invest in a Tardis-like case, or create a nice model of your farm out of clay or resin!

bindu said...

The illustrations are awesome! How do you do them?? And I absolutely adore the blue giraffe teapot.

Raph G. Neckmann said...

Thank you Bindu - I am honoured!

If you were able to come through the secret portal from planet Earth to Camelopardalis, we could all drink a nice cup of tea from our blue giraffe teapot, at Necky Knoll House!

Aunt Bernard said...

Dear Raph,

I think someone like you would have things like I do. Things of wonderment and a little odd.
So! Here goes -
No 1. a little telescope for keeping a keen eye on different planets when it's dark.
No 2. A flyswat, you can entertain yourself for hours with them, and you NEVER know when they'll come in handy.
No 3. A pint of Guinness. Life can be very draining, and a giraffe needs to make sure he has extra iron sometimes, though be sure to get the 500ml can as the 440ml's are too short for your neck.
No 4. A Captain Pugwash finger puppet. In case you get bored on a train.
No 5. A crumpet recipe. This is the most important, you'll never know how many people will thank you for having one.

Blessings of Great Oddness on you and your hearth,
Aunt Bernard.

Raph G. Neckmann said...

Hello Aunt Bernard! A portable telescope would be most useful for viewing planets while on the hoof.

Thank you for your considerate tip about the 5000ml Guinness can - much more comfortable to drink from! said...

Very funny list! I found your blog on Tom's Summit Manor blog. Glad to meet you. I am Ginger from the Landuvmilknhoney, actually, Full Circle Farm in southwestern VA. But you can read about our life at

Hope to enjoy more ramblings in the future! Especially the lovely drawings.

Raph G. Neckmann said...

Thank you Ginger! I'm glad you've enjoyed my blog and drawings. Do drop by us here again at Necky Knoll House, there's always fun happening!